She will not let me go

The wind calls me its friend and I believe it.

The trees look at me with their knotted eyes

and I nod beneath their grand omniscience.

I realise I cannot vanish. 

Gaia’s grip is nondescript, effervescent and 

ever-present. She will not let me go.

She will not allow me to descend into titanic depths 

and consort with Kronos and the like.

She kisses my temples and tells me life on Earth

is feet grounded upon the earth not beneath it. 

I realise being buried alive is not a blessing.

I realise I will leave marks wherever I go: 

footprints, oily fingerprints, long auburn hair

strewn like war-time debris, the sound of my voice –

quiet and loud -, whispered breaths. 

I realise Gaia has built me a home in which

I must build my own. My body is a home.

Not a temple. Not a train-wreck. 

Not an answer to all of your prayers. 

But a small home with cobwebs and lintels

in need of dusting, with sloping floors

and single-glazed windows, with a fire

burning and a draught beneath the doors.

I realise happiness is woven through with sadness,

and regret only means something if you frame it,

keep it above your mantelpiece and admire it

as if it were a Monet or a Constable. 

I realise my too many possessions have shaped me;

whittled me like wood into a woman

who wishes to vanish, but never should. 

I realise love is an interminable ache.

 

The trees watch me with knotted eyes

and I close mine, to sleep. 

 


 

Poem: © Kristiana Reed 2020

My poetry collections:

Flowers on the Wall UK

Flowers on the Wall US

Between the Trees UK

Between the Trees US

https://linktr.ee/KristianaReed

4 thoughts on “She will not let me go

  1. jonicaggiano says:

    Kristiana this is really beautifully written. I love every line but my favorite ones are:

    “I realise happiness is woven through with sadness,
    and regret only means something if you frame it,
    keep it above your mantelpiece and admire it
    as if it were a Monet or a Constable.”

    The ending was also exquisite. I too am a lover of trees so I liked your references to the “knotted eyes”.

    Have a blessed week. Love Joni

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s