Being Myself [Top 5 of 2018]

The third most liked piece in 2018 on My Screaming Twenties


 

Being Myself

It’s been brought to my attention

I search for happiness in other people

instead of myself,

in a culture of self love, self care,

mindfulness and meditation

although they might just be the same thing.

I convince myself every morning

that I’m worth a reflection,

I to do list my time

in an effort to ward off loneliness;

a hex of imaginary busy.

It’s been brought to my attention

I have time to be myself

and not the companion of anyone else.

I know who she is, the taste of her name,

the way she smiles or talks through tears

in a valiant effort to feel normal again.

It’s been brought to my attention

happiness is a choice,

a decision I can either make

or throw away,

but I’m picking through my options

like grains of sand.

I kiss them all with bitter salt,

let them scratch my knees,

fill the lines in my hands

and get lost in my wet hair;

dripping with perspiration

of waiting for something or someone

who isn’t there.

It’s been brought to my attention

I am on a journey to discover

the truth in being alone

I suppose I should start to look,

 

if only I knew where.

 


 

© Kristiana Reed 2018

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