The third most liked piece in 2018 on My Screaming Twenties
Being Myself
It’s been brought to my attention
I search for happiness in other people
instead of myself,
in a culture of self love, self care,
mindfulness and meditation
although they might just be the same thing.
I convince myself every morning
that I’m worth a reflection,
I to do list my time
in an effort to ward off loneliness;
a hex of imaginary busy.
It’s been brought to my attention
I have time to be myself
and not the companion of anyone else.
I know who she is, the taste of her name,
the way she smiles or talks through tears
in a valiant effort to feel normal again.
It’s been brought to my attention
happiness is a choice,
a decision I can either make
or throw away,
but I’m picking through my options
like grains of sand.
I kiss them all with bitter salt,
let them scratch my knees,
fill the lines in my hands
and get lost in my wet hair;
dripping with perspiration
of waiting for something or someone
who isn’t there.
It’s been brought to my attention
I am on a journey to discover
the truth in being alone
I suppose I should start to look,
if only I knew where.
© Kristiana Reed 2018
