We talked more here

than at home.

It was the only place

I could look at you

and love you timelessly.

 

The silence,

was comfortable too.

No longer punctuated

with betrayal

and bickering about anything,

from the biscuit tin

to communism.

 

I guess

it’s all worthless now.

It won’t lessen

the distance

or depression.

 

I guess

I was naïve

to believe I could

come here to forget you.

Instead, I have brought

every part of you;

your eyes

and their cornflower sadness,

your crooked smile.

 

I sigh,

an exhale

breathing a bumblebee

into blue sky.

No one ever warns you

breaking another’s heart,

tears yours asunder too.

 

I’ve felt ashamed

of this pain

because it was I

who left you,

and I’ve been losing

who I was with you

and calling it

by every other name

except ‘healing’

from the wounds

of my own making.

 

I wish,

on a dandelion fairy,

this will all be over soon.

I scatter every memory

like ash

to float with the algae

on the river behind me.

 

And to a field

of strangers and quiet,

shattered pieces

and eternal sunshine

I say thank you.

 

Thank you,

for knowing me

and loving me,

for losing me

and forgetting me.

 

---

 

© Kristiana Reed 2018