I can hear a flock of seagulls again and they remind me of you. I’ve written about this before. About how I don’t live close enough to the sea so why do our beach memories haunt me?
I’ve tried to be better at this, to miss you less. I’ve tried not to fill every page with my aches and melancholy or descriptions of how sullenly my heart saunters in my chest, looking for any remnant of you.
If I’m honest, I was doing well – pat on the back worthy, if you will – up until now. Up until I heard the seagulls and they led me right back to you; a ghost in my hallway or beside me in bed.
My bedroom becomes us. The pillow creases smell of you. The lines in the sheet smell of me. The walls exhale us; us and our lust, us and our love, us and our loss.
Sometimes, I wish things had worked out differently. In reality, I wouldn’t change a thing about you and me. You make me want to live selflessly, love recklessly and believe in me. But, you and me in itself is a wish I cannot command, nor expect or ask for.
So I guess, the only thing I do wish for is…
I wish I could kiss you goodnight and feel my heart soar like a seagull in flight.
© Kristiana Reed 2018