Being Myself

It’s been brought to my attention

I search for happiness in other people

instead of myself,

in a culture of self love, self care,

mindfulness and meditation

although they might just be the same thing.

I convince myself every morning

that I’m worth a reflection,

I to do list my time

in an effort to ward off loneliness;

a hex of imaginary busy.

It’s been brought to my attention

I have time to be myself

and not the companion of anyone else.

I know who she is, the taste of her name,

the way she smiles or talks through tears

in a valiant effort to feel normal again.

It’s been brought to my attention

happiness is a choice,

a decision I can either make

or throw away,

but I’m picking through my options

like grains of sand.

I kiss them all with bitter salt,

let them scratch my knees,

fill the lines in my hands

and get lost in my wet hair;

dripping with perspiration

of waiting for something or someone

who isn’t there.

It’s been brought to my attention

I am on a journey to discover

the truth in being alone

I suppose I should start to look,

 

if only I knew where.

 

 

© Kristiana Reed 2018

16 thoughts on “Being Myself

  1. updownflight says:

    I think it’s very important for everyone to reserve a good amount of time of their life alone. Sometimes being with others you are often in acting mode. Spending enough time discovering yourself not only allows you to learn to like who you really are, but be more able to show others the real you, as well.

    Liked by 1 person

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