I’ve struggled

To write this

Compose

This

Myself

Into something more

Than painful memory

Into more than

Mother’s shock and horror

Sympathetic stares and

Uneducated quips of

‘Finding myself’.

 

There is nothing

Nothing to find

At the bottom

Of a barrel

In the barrel

Of a shotgun

Nor in between the train tracks

Into which I was gazing.

Nothing but a stark reminder

I’m numb.

 

Adrenaline coursing

In someone else’s veins

Palpitations

In someone else’s chest

Crocodile tears

In someone else’s eyes.

 

I struggle

To write this

Compose myself

And this

Letters and words

Disappear, drift

Afraid of giving life

To the time I felt least

Alive.

 

Blood gushing

In someone else’s ears

Kind words rushing

To someone else’s feet.

Hands tight

On the rail

Bearing into my side.

Knuckles white

Against

The chrome distorting my face.

Breath warm, ragged

Soft clouds saving me

From the dark light.

 

There is nothing

Nothing to find

In between the tracks

Into which I was searching,

Only my reflection

A reflection of my

Aversion to death.

“I saw my life in a stranger’s face

And it was mine.” – Alive, Sia.

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Day 10 – Pick a one line song lyric to serve as an epigraph to your poem. Then, write the poem to accompany it.

Day 9 – A child

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For the challenge, click here.